Stress Kills Relationships - Times Of India - Sat, 29 Dec 2007 We work hard to be wealthy. We even workout to be healthy. We all want to be happy. After all, we are emotionally driven social animals, and we strive for happy relationships. Is there any way to ensure that our relationships are happy? Yes! But first, have to tackle the key hurdle to happiness. The hurdle is called Stress. This hurdle could kill not only our relationships, but it could even, eventually kill us. Lets look at the two major areas in which stress affects us in our personal and our professional relationships. It may be wise to understand the phenomenon and follow simple rules to overcome the issues. Work related stress that is not addressed is generally carried home. This in turn affects us in a number of ways. It could cause niggling issues – between parent and child; between spouses; or even between grown siblings. Typically, at this time, we think the problem is on the outside, and we try to place blame on others. We may demand sensitivity to our needs for space, or feel that people should accept our idiosyncrasies. We know it is our right to be given a little leeway. All that we expect is some TLC (Tender Loving Care). But, what if other members of the household are working as well? Would it be fair to assume that they too could be brining some stress home, and that they too require some TLC? Isn’t it best that we take responsibility, and sort out our own issues? Men and women react and respond to stress in markedly different ways. When stressed, men need quiet time, and space, to sort things out. They sort out their issues by thinking about them. They get overly touchy, feely if they are not given enough space. They tend to blow up every now and then. The silent types, who fret and fume without exploding, create further damage to themselves through hypertension, acidity and other stress-related diseases. Naturally these will affect productivity and effectiveness, and this may cause further stress…. and the cycle continues. Women, on the other hand need to talk about their issues. All they need is a listening ear, or pairs of listening ears. Getting a little understanding would be a bonus. Women sort out their problems while they discuss them. Generally, men or women, could do take some specific actions to tackle stress: 1. Realize that it exists. The tell tale signs are irritability, losing temper often, behaving in a bizarre manner on a reasonably regular basis, getting headaches for no apparent reason…. And the list goes on. Mapping our down-turns will help us understand this situation a little more. 2. Stay physically fit. We should indulge in a serious exercise programme at least thrice a week. This should ideally be some aerobic activity, coupled with strength building and some stretching exercises. 3. Stay Calm. A daily plan for meditation is a great way to improve the mind. This will not only reduce the accumulated stress, but it will also give us benefits such as mental agility, enhanced creativity, and a host of other mental powers… 4. Forgive and Forget. Carrying yesterday’s problems is like dirty baggage from our last holiday. Drop it, enjoy the moment, and look ahead to better times. 5. Be social. Join a social service group like Rotary, or Round Table. Or, form a group of like-minded people and meet once or twice a month. If you are not a gregarious type, then get a group of three or four friends and stay in touch with them, at least on weekends. This helps to break the pressure cycle of the week, and lets us re-energize ourselves for the week ahead. 6. Share and Care. At home, do talk to the family, over dinner, and share some of the important happenings/learning of the day. Going out with the family once a week and trying out different types of food or activity is a super way to be entertained, and feel good while strengthening family bonds. 7. Cyber Talk. There are many online fora that enable you to be part of something that you might be interested in. Yahoo, MSN, Google, all offer online groups that you could subscribe to, based on what subject you like and want to interact on. However, you should not use these groups as a substitute for what is stated above. Meeting others in person is much better than chatting with like minded people on a group. Moreover, on line socializing has its own drawbacks and pitfalls. So do use some caution here. Life, my dear friend is too short. Lets utilize every moment to take us further, and make us happier. Happy intentions are happy seeds that will only bear happy fruit. Ian Faria. (The author is a corporate trainer, motivational speaker, counselor and consultant who specializes in Organizational and Personal Enhancement). faria@a-pep.com