ARTICLES
Emotions and the Happiness Switch
Happiness is one of life’s key goals, and knowing how to achieve it is one of life’s biggest secrets.
Yes, we search endlessly for happiness - through religion; success; or through temporary pleasures like alcohol or nicotine, and even through sex. But these are only temporary fixes. After a while we realize that pleasure can be ours, but happiness can never be attained through a series of temporary fixes.
What is happiness?
Is it a period without problems?
Is it the comfort of knowing we are loved?
Is it a reward for having achieved our goals?
Is it that warm feeling when we have done our best?
Answers to these questions may be indications of happiness, or clues to it. However, I define happiness as a choice that we can/should exercise, on a day to day, and often on a moment to moment basis.
In reality, we are all born happy, and that is why babies smile most of the time. They cry only when they are uncomfortable, hungry, or in pain. As we get older, we learn that we are not supposed to cry, but to ask for what we want. We even figure out how to do things for ourselves. But sadly, no one teaches us how to be happy, or how to avoid emotional pain.
What is emotional pain? Is there a cure for it?
Emotional pain may be a result of issues such as guilt, insecurity, mistrust, fear, insults, lack of confidence, low self esteem, or uncertainty. Some of us search for a cure for the pain, and not finding it, we experience further discomfort, pain and frustration. This could build up and lead to distress and eventually to depression.
Each of us deals with emotional pain in our own ways. We may blame others, or run them down, so that we can look good in comparison. We may throw tantrums and make demands for what we think is our birthright. But, in the ultimate analysis, getting rid of the pain in this manner is like taking a pain killer. It masks the symptoms, but does not address the main problem. The real cure is in understanding our emotions and what triggers them. We immunize ourselves when we master emotional control.
How do we make Happiness a habit?
- Stay away from the negative.
Happiness is a state of mind, that can be switched on like an air conditioner.
When we are happy, the air conditioner works silently and efficiently. This could happen when we are with friends or with the people we love. However things get uncomfortable, when there is negativity in the air caused by dissent, misunderstanding, criticism, doubt, anger, rejection, suspicion... loss of money, break in friendship, or a love that has soured. The atmosphere deteriorates rapidly. It feels like a heat wave has struck, and we desperately want to switch on the air conditioner. Unfortunately, at times like these, we may not know find the switch. When the temperature gets higher, things normally go out of control. The result could easily be rage, hatred, or vengeance. At this stage, the air conditioner has tripped, and the breaker needs to be reset. This could be attained through deep introspection, and taking responsibility. When we take responsibility and forgive people, we clear our baggage of negative thought, and we move from victim to victor. If we find ourselves too deep to extricate ourselves, there is no harm in asking for outside help. Close friends, trusted family members or colleagues could give us the support and advice that we require. Sometimes we need the intervention of an outside expert, in the form of a mentor, guide or counsellor.O
- Regain our Remote Control
Letting other people control us is akin to handing over our remote to them. How can we expect people to not push our hot buttons? To protect ourselves, the first thing to do is to regain the remote control, and to take the responsibility of operating it.
Here’s what we can do:
- Accept the situation. Without acknowledging there is a problem, how can we solve it?
- The more we dwell on the negative, the deeper we sink into the quagmire of pain. Shift focus to something positive.
- Get back to our natural state of positivity. Staying in the positive zone ensures we do not slip into the emotional pain.
- Make Positivity a Habit
To be positive we should be cool. The best way to stay cool is through practices like meditation, prayer, and a consistent exercise programme. Social interactions, and reading or listening to music/positive messages also helps.
Some other ways to regain positivity:
- Apologize quickly - SMS, email, phone
- Take responsibility.
- Meet/discuss to get a resolution to pending issues.
Some best practices to spread positivity:
- Praise people
- Do a good deed for the day or try a Random Act of Kindness.
- Smile at people.
- Give someone in a hurry your place in the queue
- Help people in need.
- Give someone a hug...
- Sms positive messages or hilarious jokes.
- Share positive links on Youtube, Facebook, Twitter... or a host of social networking sites.
The list can go on and on. By spreading positivity, we too become positive. A little fragrance always clings to the hand that gives the rose. Happiness is not guaranteed, but it can be ensured through positive practices practiced daily.
In conclusion, let’s remember that our happiness is in our control. We can make positivity a habit/practice, that is not only reserved for fairytale prince and princesses. We too can live “Happily ever after”.
Happiness is not a lottery ticket. Happiness is a birthright. We need to claim it.
That’s the way it is. That’s the way it was meant to be.
Stay Cool. Be Happy.
Make Happiness a Habit
Don’t Suffer! Be a Surfer!
It is amazing how we hurt ourselves and blame the world for our miseries. Recently, I was speaking to a wonderfully warm woman, who was grieving because one of her friends had died. The person was almost in a depression when she called me to share about how unfair life is, and why we can only expect to suffer on this planet.
I was shocked to listen to her explanation, about how she has never had even two weeks, without something going wrong in her life. I explained the concept of Attraction and how we bring into our lives the circumstances that we think about. I even requested her to buy Rhonda Byrne’s classic...The Secret. Finally I mentioned about the power of positive thinking. But she still argued that she had to grieve, and get the suffering out of her system. She also stated that this would take anything from a week to a month. This was not the way I looked at life, and so I deigned it my universal responsibility to pull the young lady out of her misery, using all the positive techniques I knew.
First, I subtly changed the topic from Death and Grieving to the Uncertainties of Life. Next, I brought in how fortunate I was to be able to bounce back to normal after any setback. I further asked her when was the last time she was able to pull herself out of a negative experience. She was happy to share her experience. Within no time at all, she was smiling, and vibrating to the energy of her normal, positive self. In the next few minutes, I was happy to hear her say: Every time I talk to you I feel good, and energized. I asked her not to thank me, but instead... to thank the universe, and to make someone else feel good.
What does it take to get people on the positive path again? How is it that some people can remain continuously happy, and take anything and everything in their stride? Is there something we can do to keep our sanity, in a world that constantly challenges us to tests of patience, anger management, and conflict resolution?
The secret is to continuously think and do positive things. To give yourself the comfort of a safety net, you should consciously develop a positive group of friends who can motivate and encourage each other at least on a weekly basis. Next is to create set of Happy Routines. For example go to the gym at least 4 times a week, and choose a time when you’ll find very nice, friendly people. Another way is to plan to see a new movie (ideally a funny one) at least once a month... say on the First Friday of every month. Go out for dinner, and discuss happy occasions, and happy events since the last meeting. Send a positive SMS or a joke to your friends at least once a week, on a fixed day... for example Every Monday. Be aware of the things you say to people around you in general, and to yourself in particular. Speaking Good things, puts you in a positive frame of mind. Gossiping, Slander and Cribbing are activities with negative intent. Praising People, Asking Better Questions, and Consciously working on thinking good thoughts, and saying good things will go a long way towards making our world a better place for all of us.
Stay Positive, and Radiate positive thoughts, and you’ll do our planet a favour. You owe it to us... but more importantly... you owe it to yourself.
Make Happiness a Habit!
Ian Faria. (The author is a corporate trainer, motivational speaker, counselor and consultant who specializes in Organizational and Personal Enhancement). faria@a-pep.com
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