Success Comes From Communication - Times of India - Sat, 15 May 2010 Ian Faria has some tips to help parents guide their children to success In a competitive world, marks and grades seem to determine levels of success. But, are these the only indicators? What can you do to enable real success for your children? Here are a few myths to begin with. Myth 1: Marks and grades determine success Marks and grades are not the be all and end all of life. Failure in an exam is only a temporary phenomenon,and not a precursor for suicide. Life is determined by a variety of factors, and academics is not an essential part of the success formula.Some of the world's billionaires are not even properly educated. Myth 2: Safe careers Engineering, medicine, and computer science are the only safe choices for success.Today's world offers myriad choices that were not even available a few years ago.There is genetic engineering, micro robotics, nano technology, space research, art, music, dancing, and counselling to name just a few. Here are some essentials parents should ensure: Be a friend Your children should be able to discuss things with you. Then they will be more likely to accept your inputs,in spite of peer pressures. Often, parents want them to hear what they have to say, but as they go through adolescence, they too want and need to be heard. They turn to friends because they know that their friends will listen without judging. Build respect and trust They should know that you will not judge them, even when they fail, or do not do well. Let them know that you too trust them. Often, the best way to learn is through making mistakes. The best gift you can give your children is the gift of letting them make their own decisions, even if this means making mistakes.The pain of failure is the best teacher. Encourage Decision making Confidence is built by trying new things and learning from the experience. If you have to guide every move that your children make, you are creating dependence on your decision-making abilities, and in a sense telling your children that they are not capable of deciding for themselves. Often, parents use paradigms from their adolescence that are often obsolete, or out of sync with the present situation and reality. Open communication Do not stifle their need to challenge your thinking, but instead, ask them to explain their views. This will give you a better understanding of how they think, and you may often be pleasantly surprised or impressed with how much they know. One of the keys to success is determined by how one communicates, and this includes sensitive listening, effective comprehension, and clear articulation of views. Help your child pick up this skill, and you will do more to ensure his success than any other attribute. Give them space Youngsters feel they are not allowed to do what they want to do. If you have demonstrated the right values and ethics at home, your children should surely have imbibed them by the time they are teenagers. A little leeway helps them know that you not only value their choices but you also trust and respect them. If they do not want to attend all the traditional events in the family, let them take some time-outs,and they will wholeheartedly attend the important functions. Choice of friends Let them choose their own friends. If the points here are followed, their friends will continuously change, and each batch will be reflective of the mindset at that point of their lives. As they improve the quality of their friends will improve too. Life isn't easy, but as a responsible parent you can take it easy with children and in doing so, you will demonstrate that there's more to life than the rat race. Ian Faria. (The author is a corporate trainer, motivational speaker, counselor and consultant who specializes in Organizational and Personal Enhancement). faria@a-pep.com